


Past Caring

by RachaelJurassic



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:53:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29810076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelJurassic/pseuds/RachaelJurassic
Summary: Rupert Giles had just had one of the best Christmases ever. So why was he awake in the middle of the night, staring at the ceiling, worrying?
Relationships: Jenny Calendar/Rupert Giles
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Past Caring

Rupert Giles lay, staring at the ceiling, trying to remain as still as possible. Jenny’s arm was draped over him, her head on his shoulder. He had the most desperate urge to stroke her hair, but he wouldn’t because he didn’t want to wake her. Not that she was a light sleeper, he’d learned that over the last few weeks, but he didn’t want to risk it.

Instead, he lay there, thinking. Thinking about what was probably the best Christmas he’d ever had. Well, apart from those when he was very young, before his mother had died, they were fixed in his mind as what perfect Christmases should be. But after those imperfectly remembered joyful days, he was sure this was the best, no question.

He looked down at her hand, a perfect hand in his opinion, even with the slightly chipped nail polish. It was perfect because it fit in to his.

_You hopeless romantic!_

He almost laughed.

Who would have thought, last Christmas, that this year would have turned out quite as it had. Last year he had barely registered the holiday as he’d been so busy trying to pack all his things for his trip to America. It was remarkable how much he’d managed to accumulate in his Oxford flat. He’d put a lot in storage but there were so many things he’d wanted to bring. Things that would remind him of home, a lot of tea bags (he’d been warned about the travesty of American tea), Bovril (apparently unavailable there), his clothes (he’d no clear idea of the climate of California but tweed was good for all eventualities, surely), his record collection (he couldn’t stand to leave that behind).

Then he’d met Buffy and his life changed, she wasn’t at all what he’d been expecting.

And then there was Jenny. And, OK, meeting her had not initially been a life changing event, unless that included elevated blood pressure, headaches and constantly biting his tongue for fear of saying something unforgivably rude to the irritatingly beautiful computer lady who seemed to exist only to make his life a living hell. Well, all right, that was possibly an exaggeration but, boy, she had been a constant source of frustration in the early days - with her insistence that she digitise his library, her unerring ability to push all his buttons, and the many ways she managed to keep him off balance, thus sneakily winning a lot of arguments that she had no right to win.

Rupert realised he was grinning like an idiot and that said it all really. At some point that ‘dreadful Calendar woman’ had turned into Jenny and he, well, he was happier than he could remember being in a long time.

Which was why he was lying, staring at the ceiling at three in the morning, because this was really such a terrible idea.

It was not that the Council banned all relationships. One-night stands, flings, paying for sex, they were all fine. But real relationships, with people you actually cared about - and there was no doubting now that this was what this was – that wouldn’t do at all. It wasn’t written in the Watcher Code, of course, but it was tacitly understood. No commitments, except to the slayer, no distractions, no falling in love. And, yes, Rupert Giles was in love. Not the crush of a few months back that had him feeling sick to his stomach, falling over his words, and thinking of any opportunity he might have to ‘accidentally’ bump into Jenny at school (it’s not like he’d memorised her timetable or anything). No, this was different. This was a relationship with an amazing woman who had apparently been able to look past the sins of his youth.

He felt peaceful when he was with her (even when they were arguing, which was extremely odd and should have been a massive red flag that this might actually be the real thing). He was content, and he could hardly remember a time in his life when that adjective had applied to him. He also felt alive for the first time since his early twenties but, for the most part, without the dark magic and associated demons. That was such a revelation that he wondered what the hell he’d been doing with his life up till now. Marking time? Just existing? Yes, that had been about it. He’d thought that his work for the Council had saved him, and in a way it had, but it had also been an anaesthetic. He’d got by, thinking he was over his foolish days, by keeping his head down and avoiding situations that could get him in to the kind of trouble that had been so commonplace in his angry youth. But now? Now he was back to his old tricks. Back to feeling too much, wanting too much, and it frightened him. There were reasons the Council were against this sort of relationship and not all of them were outdated crap.

“You’re thinking too loud.”

Rupert looked down to see Jenny staring up at him, slightly bleary eyed and totally gorgeous.

“Sorry.”

“You know, Buffy can get by for a couple of weeks without you constantly checking on her, right?”

“Yes, yes I know.”

It was better for her to think that was the problem, better than actually having a conversation about all of this.

Jenny ran her hand over his stomach in what she probably thought was a comforting way - it wasn’t, it was having a whole other effect, but they were both too tired to do anything about that right now.

“Go back to sleep, Jenny.”

“And leave you here all worrying and everything?”

“Well…”

“Idiot.”

She tilted her head and, really, kissing her was the only acceptable response to that. He adored kissing, it was one of his favourite things, but his many years of practice hadn’t prepared him for kissing Jenny Calendar. That was a whole other level, he could lose himself for days. This holiday had featured a lot of it and there were still a few days left.

“What are you smiling about?” Jenny asked as she pulled away.

“Oh, nothing.”

“Come on, spit it out.” 

“I’m…I’m just happy, OK?”

“Oh.”

Jenny put her head back on his shoulder and hugged him a little tighter.

“Me too,” she said after a moment.

He wanted to tell her he loved her, but he bit his tongue. He still wasn’t sure where he stood after the whole Eyghon debacle. He was just counting his undeserved blessings that she wanted to be with him after that. Instead, he buried his face in her hair and inhaled deeply.

“You’re such a weirdo.”

“Hmm?”

“Or do you just really like the smell of my shampoo?”

“Yes, that’s it, can you get me a bottle?”

“I can wash your hair with it tomorrow if you like.”

“Promise?”

Jenny’s laugh was soft, and Rupert loved it so damned much.

He was in so much trouble.

He closed his eyes and relaxed, Jenny’s fingers tracing outlines on his side.

“That tickles.”

“I know.”

He’d tickle her back, but she was irritatingly immune.

“Dreadful woman.” 

She laughed quietly and kissed his chest as she snuggled closer.

Yes, he was in trouble, but he was finding it very hard to care.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to me beta RdC :)


End file.
